Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Failure all around

I broke my unspoken vows. As an Oregonian, I violated the sacred rule that all Oregonians unconsciously abide by. In my last post I - gulp - invited people to move to Oregon. I'm not supposed to do that. It's not allowed. We want to keep Oregon quiet and uncrowded. So just ignore what I said, okay?

I mean, we weren't even upset that the national news only made a slight mention of the resignation of our governor after four (non-consecutive) terms. And they haven't made a big deal about the investigation of his fiancee (Cylvia with a C) for influence peddling. Whew! We wouldn't want everyone to know about that. We're just honest folk out here in Oregon. Our new governor, Kate Brown, is so honest that she admits to being both married and bisexual. That sounds like an admission of adultery, too, but that's between her and her husband, and I think she'll be a fine governor.

Anyhoo, the other failures this week involved footwear. I guess I should have invoked St. Hubbins because I had not one, but two shoe malfunctions this week.


I was wearing my red "alligator" Dexter loafers (seen here and here), and the heel caps starting chipping away - on both shoes.


Then this happened


They're not that old to be requiring the care of Jim the Shoe Doctor. It's a tough blow, alright.

Then the next day I was wearing my boots from JCP when this happened


What are the odds? These boots are pretty old anyway, and I think I can treat them at home with some strong glue, botox and reruns of The Avengers.


Geesh, Mercury is barely out of retrograde, and the Old Mother Hubbard constellation must be in quincunx to the crap nebula. I can't wait to see what happens next!

Val

15 comments:

  1. ....geesh, my bags were all packed Val! Of course, if I had my druthers, oh and a Green Card, I'd be living the artsy life in Cannon Beach. Wait, better make that a winning lottery ticket and a Green Card.

    I also have two pairs of footwear, one shoes and one booties that blew a heel sole-thingy. I just can't decide if I want to get them fixed, because I know it will cost more than what I paid for the shoes, and boots. Such indecision over nothin'.

    I've been feeling crap nebula up here too...yes...must be the constellations misbehaving.

    PS If you're reading, don't go to Cannon Beach...you won't like it.

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  2. Quincunx? Is that a swearword? Stuff it up your quincunx? Is it only for women or can men be a quincunx too? What's the singular of the word? Quin is five so are you cursing the cunx of five women?
    I know what a crap nebula is - I often visit there.
    Just tonight I glued my boots and shoes with Gorilla glue. Oh no, O says, the glue will come off with soap and warm water. Not! Unicunus?! Those crap heels. And my footwear can't bear the price of a local cobbler's fix either, so I just call what I did "art" and walk on. Clearly I should have used your botox and Avengers remedy!
    Your description of politicians there made me laugh! Too bad that the people who run our countries make it so easy to make us laugh. But sadly, if you don't laugh, you cry, and I'd much rather laugh.

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  3. Oh no, poor shoes, that happened to a pair of mine too!!! I got them mended but it cost £10!!! X

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  4. So sorry for your constellation of shoe flame-outs. Botox for boots? Big pharma, they never stop working. Have a cozy day, xox
    PS: Rachel Maddow covered your Governor story in depth - entertaining! Glad you've got an honest bi-sexual now.

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  5. Sheesh is right! I'm just glad these mishaps to your shoe wardrobe didn't cause you to fall down.

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  6. My boots need some botox!

    Such a shame about those red alligator shoes. They are sweet.

    bisous
    Suzanne

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  7. Oregon really does sound incredible. Two pairs of shoes in one week! Sheesh!

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  8. You are in big trouble because I am thinking of moving to Oregon to open a Chapeau Shop and it's all your fault.

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  10. Okay, as aghast as I was to see the ruination of those heels (like a prim Victorian gent spying illicit ankles!) it was actually rather funny that you had two malfunctions of the same kind. Funny-intriguing, not funny-haha of course. The shoe gods must be in a snit about something. We can only hang onto our Chucks, mutter "Oxfords, not brogues" and go about our business in the hopes that things will soon be set to rights.

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  11. Hmmm, that is rather peculiar to have heel caps on two pairs of footwear drop off in the same week. I'm afraid I leave all shoe repair issues to the professionals. I too am rather fascinated by the word quincunx and am dying to use it in a sentence.

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  12. 'No more nails' is marvellous, I think it can stick humans in overalls to walls (or is that something else?) nevermind, what a bugger! 2 pairs of gorgeous footwear caving in - also a bugger, I can't move to Oregon, probably a good thing though, I'm terrified of flying - quincunx is my new favourite word! x x x

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  13. I would move to southern, coastal Oregon if I suddenly had the urge or need to become American. I don't see that happening anytime soon though. I am also mad for norther California. I feel somewhat the same way about Vancouver Island, and the Comox Valley, don't want to tell people it's great and they should move here. I want to close the gates.

    I hope your heel woes are mended by now and there are no more failures plaguing you. xoxoxo

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  14. That happens to me all the time! My shoes are usually cheap and pretty terrible quality though.

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  15. I'm catching up, only to find that your shoes are malfunctioning and you have a full time job. So much has happened in my absence! Hoping that your shoes are restored and that your new position is going well. Despite the wonders of Oregon, I'm probably going to stay here in Denver!

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